Ken Ugbechie; February 20, 2022

Abba Alhaji Kyari, a Deputy Commissioner of Police, is at his own Golgotha. A man designated by the Nigerian media as a Super Cop has scored two own goals in quick succession. Whether in contrition or protrusion of arrogance, DCP Kyari is not a happy man today. He was, yesterday. Before he invited vultures to feast on his open sores, he was a sassy, zappy cop. Full of life. Bullish with gumption. Almost impetuous. He was daring, even inspiring.

But he was also noisome, too loud. He loved hugging the headlines. Showy with a tinge of self-conceit. Kyari grabbed the headlines, both as the hunter and the hunted. As a senior police officer, he was supposed to make headlines by catching the criminals. He was not to be seen. A good hunter is self-effacing. Elusive. Never throws himself up for the prey to as much as sight him. He moves stealthily. Wispily waltzing in his own silhouette.

A good hunter dissolves into the ambience, unnoticed. Not so, this Kyari. He shared the same headlines with his prey. He shared the same space with the hunted. He did not mind being seen with the wild and the dubious. He allowed his pictures to occupy huge spaces on social media. He and his IGP-IRT squad most times forgot they were not in showbiz. They forgot they were part of a tactical squad. The public ought not to notice their presence, but the impact of their actions. Countless times, Kyari and his squad would land in a city, any location. And the next moment, boom, their pictures are all over social media announcing their arrival.

Social media is not exclusive to a few. It is an irreverent community of the good, the bad and the hoboes. Kyari never cared that the criminals he came to catch in that location are also denizens of social media. When he and his team pose for camera with their guns feigning to be aiming at some target, they push the pictures to social media. You’d think it’s another Nollywood stunt. But it’s not. It’s just the Kyari style. Jazzy and openly gaudy. I was an admirer of the Kyari gang without their brashy and showy stunts. He and his team became the albatross of criminals: terrorists, kidnappers, others. I admired his ramrod frame. And his lionly audacity. He was built for his job. But I had also feared for his life. The manner he was throwing himself about town, attending Owambes, hanging out with the ‘Big Boys’ and always wanting to Bam Bam, suggest a cop with a whiff of con.

Now, the once boisterous Kyari has suffered a double whammy. Accused on two fronts. On trial in the court of public opinion for two distinct criminal allegations. First, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the almighty FBI of America, shocked the world when it alleged that the Kyari Nigerians lionize as Super Cop does more than policing. He’s a chummy of the charmers of society. The ones we call socialites; social media influencers; the monied generation without any proof of labour. FBI claimed that our dear Kyari does deals with Abbas Ramon, aka Hushpuppi, a globally certified conman, advance fee fraudster and a man with hush money. That allegation by FBI provoked mixed emotions in Nigeria. For some, it tore through their psyche with a jab of disappointment. For others, it provoked the ‘no wonder’ blurt. No wonder Kyari lives above his mates and his means; no wonder he was always cozy with some kind of persons he was supposed to suspect, investigate and possibly prosecute. Not even Kyari’s unintelligent response of offering vicarious tailoring services to Hushpuppi helped his case. On the streets of Nigeria, he was guilty as charged. Again, Kyari’s case was not helped by the high corruption ranking of Nigeria, a country where you’re frustrated if you try to live by the rules. Here, you bribe for what you deserve, merit or even for what is your right. You bribe to obtain your international passport; your national identification number. You bribe to gain admission into any public institution even when you top the crowd in the qualifying exams. You bribe for anything. You just bribe.

On account of the FBI halo of uncleanness haunting Kyari, he was reluctantly suspended by Nigeria Police authorities. He was investigated by the police. The Police Service Commission (PSC) rejected the outcome of the probe. It was trashy. Soft on Kyari and full of holes. But that’s what you get when you ask a suspect to investigate a suspect. Nigeria Police is globally suspected to be corrupt. In the eyes of the world, Nigeria Police is a suspect just like Kyari. Now, you have asked a suspect to probe another suspect. What you get is the wishy-washy report which the PSC threw back at the Police authorities as ‘unsatisfactory.’

But while on suspension, Kyari was still working his phones. Like a sheep in a salt market, the Super Cop was showing skills of a Super Con artist. This time, from the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA), the Nigerian anti-narcotics agency, came the super allegation that our Super Cup is also a Super drug dealer with tentacles spreading from the Amazonian precincts of Brazil through the deep gorges of Ethiopia down to the high streets of Nigeria. But it remains just an allegation. The NDLEA says it has inconvertible evidence that Kyari does more than his anti-crime duties. He’s also wired to the underworld global narcotics network.

So, at home and abroad, Kyari is a suspect. Like the praying mantis, Kyari has become a prey for both the FBI and NDLEA. Neither of the allegations is light. Indeed, they are both horrendously odious to be associated with any cop.

But this is Nigeria, ranked as one of the most corrupt countries in the world. Recently, Transparency International (TI) ranked Nigeria 154 out of 180 nations on its Corruption Perception Index (CPI) for 2021. Nigeria was said to have moved five places down compared to the previous year, 2020. That audacity to classify Nigeria as corrupt by TI triggered series of attacks and censure against TI by defenders of the Buhari government. Yet, the evidence is writ large: Nigeria drips with corruption. NDLEA officials who are supposed to catch drug runners are part of the drug syndicate. The police which ought to investigate, arrest and prosecute criminals are efficient coordinators of the criminal syndicate. To think that Abba Kyari was still serving the punishment of suspension as should an officer under investigation when he was still busy pressing his phone and connecting his moles in the narcotics syndicate carves open the pandemic of corruption in the police hierarchy. What a shame!

Kyari and his mates happen to be the fall guys. The Nigerian public space is a theatre of aberrant corruption. So is the private sector, organized or unorganized. The Nigerian system is brimming with deviants. And we are so shameless to the extent that some persons are still defending Kyari and others including those already convicted at home and abroad. This is a typical Nigerian dilemma. How do we keep banana away from the monkey?

First published in Sunday Sun